27 November, 2013

Right now.

Right now the law school is practically void of all other students because they have families to visit on the day before Thanksgiving. And, honestly? It's wonderful. This place is usually so crowded with fellow law students, which, sometimes, makes me feel like part of a crazy, hectic, suicidal community, and, other times, makes me feel very alone as if I'm the only one who's just not getting it.

I tell myself that's not true - there has to be other people here who feel completely lost - but mostly we all try to pretend we've got things totally under control. It's an illusion. One that leaves me feeling utterly incapable.

But, right now it's empty. And I get to outline and study. I get to find a room all to myself and, even though they've turned the heat down to frigid because a population of ten doesn't deserve a fully heated school, it's perfect.

I'm getting through the information and filing it into my brain in some kind of organizational system that likely makes no sense to anyone else, but I'm getting it. Slowly but surely it's happening - the words on the paper are becoming useful tools to construct an argument.

This is what I love about school: the sense of accomplishment. What's even greater about this school, that I didn't feel in undergrad, is that I am learning skills that are applicable. I can help people. Well, not well and not yet, but I can feel it. This journey is going to be worth something.

So, in this moment, I am so grateful for an empty, freezing building.

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