02 October, 2012

Insecurity and self-doubt.

I take the LSAT on Saturday.

I've been studying hard for 3 months now and I'm pretty beat by it. It's nice to only focus on one subject (kind of) but it has also been hard to stay focused and motivated when thousands of variations of the same question come before me and I still only get maybe 80% of them right.

It's also tiring because I just went backwards. I scored lower than I've been trending and it's scary.

(Disclaimer: I tend to stress about things that really don't matter in the long run, but there is no talking me out of the stress - I stress needlessly and I know it.)

It's scary because I want to get into law school. I want to get into a good law school. It's frustrating as well because I can't just throw out a bunch of applications all over the country and see if any big fish catch my line.

We are going where Dan gets a job. He's only applying to places that have a law school in the area but my options diminish severely depending on the area of the country we're in. In my mind this means I need to kick-ass on this LSAT. I need to get my foot in the door of every and any admissions office I can.

I'm sure my score right now would get me into law school. And I know it's pride that wants to be accepted into UCLA/Stanford/Berkeley. I'm going to have to let go of that.

I'm still working hard and I've got a few more days before I take this thing for real but I'm a bit discouraged. That's where I'm at today, in this process; I'm discouraged. I've placed a lot of pressure on myself and I'm afraid of disappointment.

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