Whelp, it's been a year of marriage, which pretty much means I am the marriage guru. I know everything there is to know about the implementation and preservation of the institution. Questions are welcome.
But I have learned a lot in the past year.
When I got married I knew that I would be learning a lot about what it means to love him unconditionally and how to put his needs above my own. What I didn't really think about was how much I would learn about myself.
I used to think I was a pretty selfless person. I used to think that I was a good communicator. I used to think that I knew how to cook.
I realized that I want things my way, including Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter. I realized that I can't speak when I am angry -- I close up and hold it all in. I realized that I know how to cook mexican food and there is only so many tacos, enchiladas, and burritos that a person will consume in one week.
Through blood, sweat, and tears we figure out the holidays, I speak words when I am feeling hurt or upset, and, when I cook, I find new recipes to try; who knew cookbooks had so many fabulous ideas?
Before we got married, my thought on how our first year would turn out ranged from horrible to heavenly. Would we have a really rough time of it? Would we be deliriously happy, floating on clouds? I had examples of both in my life, all of the couples falling into different places on the spectrum. How would we do? Would we pass the test?
I quickly came to the conclusion that, while all the examples around us are great and necessary, our marriage is our own and to compare it to someone else's is to set ourselves up for failure and dangerous. Our relationship is going to look different than everyone else's and that's okay, better than okay, that's good! And it has been good. Living with someone, anyone, even the person you love most in the world, is going to have it's ups and downs. But to be honest, the ups way outnumber and overshadow the downs.
Our first year was filled with lots of loving and lots of growing and it has been so great.