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19 January, 2014

This day in 2010.

Four years ago this weekend we got engaged. Surprisingly, in the same city we now call home. Dan was at the Marine Corps Basic School in Quantico, Virginia. Quantico is the epitome of a military town so when I came to visit we always stayed in D.C.

The proposal wasn't a surprise. We had been talking about marriage for a month or so by that point and discussing rings and such so I knew it was coming. Additionally, I brought the ring.

I brought the ring to my own proposal.

It was purely logistics. You see, I wanted a particular kind of a ring - an art deco, 1920s vibe is what I was going for. Dan and I scoured the internets and discussed ideas and apparently I had expensive taste because everything that came close to what I wanted was at least double our budget.

Dan's mom, Lisa, came to our rescue. When she heard what we were looking for she offered to show me her aunt's engagement ring. This was slightly disconcerting as I didn't want to come look at the ring and completely hate it and then find some polite way to tell my future mother-in-law, um, no.

I went over to their house by myself - Dan was in Virginia - and nervously asked to see the ring. She brought it out and, while it was stone-less and tarnished and in need of a good cleaning, it was beautiful. The setting would fit a modest stone. The filigree was delicate, intricate, and stunning.

It was perfect.

And it was in my possession.

So, when I went to see Dan the following weekend I was charged with bringing the ring to the man who had yet to ask me anything.

When I got to D.C. I put the ring on the side table and said, nonchalantly, "This is yours, to do with whatever you want." He laughed and scooped it up.

That was on Friday.

Saturday we spend touring historical landmarks in the district. My mom incessantly texting me, "Has he asked yet? Has he done it? Are you engaged? You gave him the ring, right?"

"No, mom. Yes, he has the ring. You'll know when it happens."

Sunday it snowed. We celebrated his birthday early with incredible steaks at Fogo de Chao and then we walked over to the mall. And, just behind the White House, he got down on one knee in the freezing cold, with no one else around, and he asked me to marry him.

He had a whole little speech which I don't remember now but I remember that it was beautiful and it made me cry and forget the cold.

I said yes and he slipped the stone-less ring on my finger. And it didn't matter that I had to bring the ring. In fact, looking back now I'm happy that I did. It made us both a part of the proposal. I mean, he asked in the traditional fashion, but this was a decision we were both making and that we were both a part of. And then we were engaged.

p.s. the day people thought we got engaged

11 December, 2012

To remember the moments.

Sometimes I wish I kept a real journal so I could document times like this past weekend. There's nothing really stopping me from journaling except I never remember and then it's just sporadic entries that have no relation to each other.

I want to remember the weekend for the rest of my life. It was nothing extraordinary. We didn't go anywhere or do anything in particular. In fact, we cancelled on plans because I was too tired (tired from what is what I would like to know). It was just us.

It's funny, too, because Friday night I wouldn't have thought the weekend was going to be good. I went to bed pissy over a stupid and insignificant thing. Sometimes I get annoyed with him (and usually I blow it out of proportion). So obviously, if Friday was a bust the rest of the weekend would be, too. Right?

Nope. I came home from work Saturday and we cleaned up the apartment a bit - so glamorous - and I worked on some quilt stuff while he put out some more job applications. For the rest of the weekend we just lounged around the house. Made some drinks, enjoyed each other, watched a movie or two. We got romantic with some candles and music. We decorated the Christmas tree. We talked for hours about politics, life, future plans, religion, and family. We took advantage of the 70° weather and rode our bikes at the park.

It might all sound unexciting and simple but I just enjoy being with that guy and I enjoyed this weekend. I want to remember these moments because things are good for us now. Things have been good for us for the past two years. Sure, we argue sometimes and annoy each other but for the most part it's been a smooth ride.

I guess I've been scared for the future lately - I need to stop worrying about things that aren't here yet - I've been wondering how relationships go bad and if there is anything I can do to prevent it. I haven't come up with any answers yet so for now I just want to store away these moments because if (when) the harder times come I want to remember this weekend and know what we're fighting for.

I love him. And that's pretty much all I wanted to say.

19 June, 2012

Happy two years, my love.

I'm not really sure that we did anything to deserve it, but our marriage has been awesome.

"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen."

Romans 11:36

21 June, 2011

lovin and growin.

Whelp, it's been a year of marriage, which pretty much means I am the marriage guru. I know everything there is to know about the implementation and preservation of the institution. Questions are welcome.

Ha, hardly.

But I have learned a lot in the past year.

When I got married I knew that I would be learning a lot about what it means to love him unconditionally and how to put his needs above my own. What I didn't really think about was how much I would learn about myself.

I used to think I was a pretty selfless person. I used to think that I was a good communicator. I used to think that I knew how to cook.

I realized that I want things my way, including Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter. I realized that I can't speak when I am angry -- I close up and hold it all in. I realized that I know how to cook mexican food and there is only so many tacos, enchiladas, and burritos that a person will consume in one week.

Through blood, sweat, and tears we figure out the holidays, I speak words when I am feeling hurt or upset, and, when I cook, I find new recipes to try; who knew cookbooks had so many fabulous ideas?

Before we got married, my thought on how our first year would turn out ranged from horrible to heavenly. Would we have a really rough time of it? Would we be deliriously happy, floating on clouds? I had examples of both in my life, all of the couples falling into different places on the spectrum. How would we do? Would we pass the test?

I quickly came to the conclusion that, while all the examples around us are great and necessary, our marriage is our own and to compare it to someone else's is to set ourselves up for failure and dangerous. Our relationship is going to look different than everyone else's and that's okay, better than okay, that's good! And it has been good. Living with someone, anyone, even the person you love most in the world, is going to have it's ups and downs. But to be honest, the ups way outnumber and overshadow the downs.

Our first year was filled with lots of loving and lots of growing and it has been so great.

20 June, 2011

Year One.

We celebrated our first year of marriage last night. I can't believe how fast that year went by. It was an eventful year; Italy, Rhode Island, New York, California, Washington, and North Carolina. It has been such a special time of getting to know each other and growing together. For our special evening we took in a show at our local theatre and had dinner on the balcony of a riverfront restaurant. So romantic. So sweaty (gotta love that humidity). And then we came home and ate some homemade Strawberry glazed pie. Perfect evening with the man I love.

17 January, 2011

how the game changed.

"I believe in you. I believe that you will do everything you said you are going to do. I believe in you, and I just wanted to be a part of it."

This three-minute phone conversation at two o'clock in the morning kept me awake for the next few hours. Until that point Dan and I had just been friends, meeting often at Peet's Coffee & Tea for study and conversation, drawing the quiet speculation of those around us.

I maintained my position; while Dan had asked me out previously I only desired friendship. I was single and enjoying it. I was motivated and busy. I had plans and no one else fit into them. Dan was funny, smart, and bore a remarkable resemblance to Doogie but our paths didn't seem compatible, he was joining the Marine Corps and I had a 10 year plan to finish my education and save the world.

I believe you will do everything you said you are going to do.

I tossed and turned over this, did I have that belief in myself? Sure I talked big, but was I capable of accomplishing all of these goals? Could I make an impact on the world? The realization that someone else had that sort of faith in me brought tears to my eyes. Dan and I had agreed to meet the next day for lunch after church but I had no idea what I would say to him. Did I want to try? I had never had a boyfriend, never really dated anyone else. I prayed. I argued. I decided. This guy deserved a shot. I finally fell asleep, completely at peace with my decision.

This proved rather difficult to convey at lunch the next day. Over sandwiches at Togo's I tried to explain my desire to move forward which came out something like this, "I think that maybe this could be a good thing. It should pretty much just stay the same way though. I like our friendship, I mean. But maybe it could be more but just stay at the same pace and nothing would really change but maybe at some point it might..."

Dan, who at this time had already resigned himself to the fact that we would only ever be friends, took my very confusing words as confirmation of this fact and agreed that friendship was all we would have and he understood. I was too shy and old-fashioned to explain what I really meant so we drove away confused and disappointed.

About an hour later Dan called, "Hey, so I was thinking about what we talked about over lunch and I don't think I understood -- I'm slightly confused. Can we meet for coffee tomorrow?"

"Yes! Coffee would be wonderful," I replied with a huge, goofy smile on my face.

We met at about eleven in the morning and talked and talked about everything except yesterday's lunch. I skipped my one o'clock class but at 3:20 I had to go to work. As he walked me out to my car I blurted out, "Are we ever going to talk about yesterday?" He smiled and said he had wanted to talk about lunch at the end of the conversation because he didn't want me to feel awkward and trapped, he wanted to make sure I had an escape (he knew me well even then).

He asked what I wanted and I said I didn't know.

Did I want to date?

Well, 'dating' seemed committed and overwhelming.

"Okay," he asked, "if A is friends and B is dating, what are we?"

"A.5?" I replied.

He was baffled by my response but took it in stride with a little grin, "Okay, you have to go so we will figure it out later." I got in my car and drove to work. About one minute later my phone went off, a text from Dan, "Screw it. A.5 it is! So, this Friday, dinner and a movie?"

We took things pretty slow, we wrote letters all summer long while he was at Officer Candidate School and I was running all over California and traveling to Europe, we were inseparable for two months in the Fall and when he went back for The Basic School we spoke on the phone every night.

I flew out to Washington, D.C. to see him over the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday and on January 17, 2010 Dan asked me to marry him. I am so glad I gave him a chance.

27 July, 2010

Slowing Down

I am the classic over-achiever. Or maybe I just can't stand still. I like to be doing, I am constantly in motion. Things move fast in my world which is why it's not surprising to anyone who knows me that I met and fell in the love with the man I married in less than a year. In any given season I can be involved in any number of activities. I love being busy, I am more organized when I am busy, I prioritize better when I am busy. I lived in a smallish town in California for over 20 years and I always had more than enough to do. I went to school, I worked at least one job if not two, I volunteered at my church... let's just say my hands could be as full as I wanted them to be.

In the months before I moved to North Carolina I was doing all of the above and co-directing a play and planning a wedding. It was crazy and I can't say that there weren't any meltdowns but I was in my zone. Dan and I had a fabulous time in Italy and it was a great transition time before moving my entire life to a foreign city, across the country, where people eat a dish called fried okra (no, I have not tried it yet). I knew before I came what was ahead of me. Dan is in the Marine Corps which is why we live in North Carolina but before we can really settle in we are heading up to Rhode Island where Dan will go through the JAG program. We'll be there for a little over 2 months. I am so excited to see Boston and New York and Providence. But, I am also feeling a little stir crazy. Because of this interesting schedule I am unable to do the things that I normally do: work, attend classes, volunteer...

This is the time where I get to take a much needed break. So, I am reading books, and writing thank you cards, framing pictures, and packing for the next part of this years adventure. It's a different feeling -- I can't say that I am used to it yet but I think it's good. This is the first time in my life where the new "phase" doesn't involve a new project. I am so grateful. I am blessed with time to focus on my newest adventure. I get to learn how to live with a male (coming from a house with 4 daughters, the only male I lived with besides my dad is our male house-cat, Houston). I get to start my life with Dan without too many distractions. And, for that, I am blessed.

P.S. If you are wondering what books I'm reading... I finished On the Road by Jack Kerouac (I was not too impressed) and When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris (Hilarious!). I think I may dive into Crime and Punishment next -- If you have any suggestions I'd be happy to consider them ;)