Post-finals laze

 Finals have come and gone and this household could not be happier. This was a pretty intense finals period. Like, at least two major meltdowns. Like hyperventilating, I-don't-know-anything, tear-filled meltdowns.

Dan. He is the unsung hero of finals. Actually, I'll sing it right now. That man deserves an award. I reached crazy town levels of insanity this semester and he took it all in stride. He made me hot chocolate with about 2 parts hot chocolate and 1 part whipped cream (a 1/3 ratio is good for the soul). He made christmas happen and I came home to lights draped on the walls and stockings hanging from the windowsill. He made nourishing meals more times than I can count. He held me and prayed for me when I thought I had lost 1/3 of a nearly finished government contracts outline (thank God Macs are miracle machines that back documents up more than I do). He was just fantastic. Enough things cannot be said.

If I do well this semester it will in large part due to him.

I've spent the last three days sleeping, lazing about, streaming netflix and eating christmas colored m&ms (I can never pass the big bags up. All the red and green!). I've been finishing up some christmas shopping and prep and getting ready to spend the holidays, just me and Dan, in DC. We are finally getting a tree this weekend. Dan is making latkes on Satruday and we've been lighting the menorah candles each night.

The holidays are here, folks. And I am so excited to enjoy them and forget all about admin law. If no one says Chevron ever again it'll be too soon.

Rah, Marine.

I was going through old photos to share for Veteran's day and I just love these. It feels like forever ago that he was in but it's only about two years since his contract ended. I couldn't be prouder of Dan and his service. Some days I miss that uniform...

This day in 2010.

Four years ago this weekend we got engaged. Surprisingly, in the same city we now call home. Dan was at the Marine Corps Basic School in Quantico, Virginia. Quantico is the epitome of a military town  so when I came to visit we always stayed in D.C. 

The proposal wasn't a surprise. We had been talking about marriage for a month or so by that point and discussing rings and such so I knew it was coming. Additionally, I brought the ring. 

I brought the ring to my own proposal. 

It was purely logistics. You see, I wanted a particular kind of a ring - an art deco, 1920s vibe is what I was going for. Dan and I scoured the internets and discussed ideas and apparently I had expensive taste because everything that came close to what I wanted was at least double our budget.  

Dan's mom, Lisa, came to our rescue. When she heard what we were looking for she offered to show me her aunt's engagement ring. This was slightly disconcerting as I didn't want to come look at the ring and completely hate it and then find some polite way to tell my future mother-in-law, um, no.

I went over to their house by myself - Dan was in Virginia - and nervously asked to see the ring. She brought it out and, while it was stone-less and tarnished and in need of a good cleaning, it was beautiful. The setting would fit a modest stone. The filigree was delicate, intricate, and stunning. 

It was perfect. 

And it was in my possession. 

So, when I went to see Dan the following weekend I was charged with bringing the ring to the man who had yet to ask me anything. 

When I got to D.C. I put the ring on the side table and said, nonchalantly, "This is yours, to do with whatever you want." He laughed and scooped it up.

That was on Friday. 

Saturday we spend touring historical landmarks in the district. My mom incessantly texting me, "Has he asked yet? Has he done it? Are you engaged? You gave him the ring, right?"

"No, mom. Yes, he has the ring. You'll know when it happens." 

Sunday it snowed. We celebrated his birthday early with incredible steaks at Fogo de Chao and then we walked over to the mall. And, just behind the White House, he got down on one knee in the freezing cold, with no one else around, and he asked me to marry him. 

He had a whole little speech which I don't remember now but I remember that it was beautiful and it made me cry and forget the cold. 

I said yes and he slipped the stone-less ring on my finger. And it didn't matter that I had to bring the ring. In fact, looking back now I'm happy that I did. It made us both a part of the proposal. I mean, he asked in the traditional fashion, but this was a decision we were both making and that we were both a part of. And then we were engaged. 

p.s. the day people thought we got engaged 

To remember the moments.

Sometimes I wish I kept a real journal so I could document times like this past weekend. There's nothing really stopping me from journaling except I never remember and then it's just sporadic entries that have no relation to each other.

I want to remember the weekend for the rest of my life. It was nothing extraordinary. We didn't go anywhere or do anything in particular. In fact, we cancelled on plans because I was too tired (tired from what is what I would like to know). It was just us.

It's funny, too, because Friday night I wouldn't have thought the weekend was going to be good. I went to bed pissy over a stupid and insignificant thing. Sometimes I get annoyed with him (and usually I blow it out of proportion). So obviously, if Friday was a bust the rest of the weekend would be, too. Right?

Nope. I came home from work Saturday and we cleaned up the apartment a bit - so glamorous - and I worked on some quilt stuff while he put out some more job applications. For the rest of the weekend we just lounged around the house. Made some drinks, enjoyed each other, watched a movie or two. We got romantic with some candles and music. We decorated the Christmas tree. We talked for hours about   politics, life, future plans, religion, and family. We took advantage of the 70° weather and rode our bikes at the park.

It might all sound unexciting and simple but I just enjoy being with that guy and I enjoyed this weekend. I want to remember these moments because things are good for us now. Things have been good for us for the past two years. Sure, we argue sometimes and annoy each other but for the most part it's been a smooth ride.

I guess I've been scared for the future lately - I need to stop worrying about things that aren't here yet - I've been wondering how relationships go bad and if there is anything I can do to prevent it. I haven't come up with any answers yet so for now I just want to store away these moments because if (when) the harder times come I want to remember this weekend and know what we're fighting for.

I love him. And that's pretty much all I wanted to say.

He was a good one so I snatched him up

I love that I still learn new things about Dan. I mean, not everyday. I feel like constantly learning new things would be very overwhelming (and just a little scary, like, woah do I know you?). But learning new things every once in a while is endearing, folks. It just is. For instance, I learned THREE new things about Dan on our little southern adventure. 

1. Boy likes antiquing. Which may not be weird for all of you who married hipsters but this guy hates shopping. He just doesn't like it. So when he wandered into an antique shop in Savannah, and then another... I was like. Damn. That's hot. 

2. He's scared of heights. He had told me that before but I didn't really believe him (he's jumped out of a plane before!). I mean, he's a marine. Suck it up, Marine! But then we were up on the deck of a lighthouse and he was not a happy camper and all I wanted to do was hug him. So I did. After we went back inside the lighthouse. 

3. He's says really awesome feminist things like "You see, I really struggle with that because it's inherently anti-woman." And then I was like, take me. I'm yours. And I ruined all my feminist cred (which you get from simply saying you're a feminist, duh). But maybe the fact that I married a feminist makes up for it?

And that's the amazing man I married. I think it's love, guys. 

military wife life

I may have pinned his bar on the wrong way and had to do it over. 

Dan got promoted to Captain! Which means he will no longer be referred to as "Lieutenant Dan" (insert Forrest Gump voice). 
Well, people could still call him that but they would be wrong. He's a Captain. 
He's already made me swear to refrain from standing on our chairs and shouting "Oh Captain, My Captain." Dead Poet's Society was one of our Hurricane Weekend Movies so it was still fresh in our minds. But, while he has made me swear to not refer to him as such, you have made no such oath. So, next time you see him go ahead and make him feel like Robin Williams. I think he'll enjoy it more than he knows. 


They ended up do the ceremony fairly early in the morning so I got to race over to Jacksonville to be there for the ceremony and pin him and then race back to Wilmington for class, which I was late for, but it was worth it. I'm pretty proud of him. 
The guy performing the ceremony, that's Dan's boss, he could not say enough good things about Daniel. The fact that, as a Lieutenant, he has had three acquittals was a pretty big deal. Apparently, guys who have been doing this for way longer never even attempt it. I mean, I know how amazing this guy is, but it's always nice to hear someone else thinks so, too. 


Congratulations, Daniel! I am so proud of you! 

gone country

There was a time when all I listened to was country music. My tastes have changed since high school (which is evident not only by my taste in music but also by my taste in men) but since moving here to North Carolina I have been tuning my car radio to one of the only stations that comes in clear, country. Luckily, this station seems to favor the country songs that were playing when I was in high school over the more recent country tunes. On my drive home from work the other morning Alan Jackson's "Remember When" came on and, for real, it practically brought a tear to my eye. Which, to be honest, isn't surprising because music moves me quite often and there are times when lyrics speak to me enough to choke me up. But I can't tell you that I ever have been moved to tears by a country music song. I've heard this song a million times before, and maybe it's the fact that I am in love and happily married, but for some reason the lyrics got to me. What Dan and I have is so young and fresh and new still and I can't even begin to think what our remembrances will be. It's scary to think that we can hurt each other or that our love might not be as strong as it is now. It's also exciting to think that our love will be stronger than it ever has been and that we will look back on our life together and remember the awesome moments yet to come. Hearing the story of a love that has lasted for years, through the good and the bad, makes me even more excited about our future. 

But, yea, I'm probably just some love-sick yuppy who tears up at love songs. Never thought I would be that girl. Did not see that one coming. 

lovin and growin.

Whelp, it's been a year of marriage, which pretty much means I am the marriage guru. I know everything there is to know about the implementation and preservation of the institution. Questions are welcome.

Ha, hardly. 

But I have learned a lot in the past year.

When I got married I knew that I would be learning a lot about what it means to love him unconditionally and how to put his needs above my own. What I didn't really think about was how much I would learn about myself. 

I used to think I was a pretty selfless person. I used to think that I was a good communicator. I used to think that I knew how to cook. 

I realized that I want things my way, including Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter. I realized that I can't speak when I am angry -- I close up and hold it all in. I realized that I know how to cook mexican food and there is only so many tacos, enchiladas, and burritos that a person will consume in one week. 

Through blood, sweat, and tears we figure out the holidays, I speak words when I am feeling hurt or upset, and, when I cook, I find new recipes to try; who knew cookbooks had so many fabulous ideas?

Before we got married, my thought on how our first year would turn out ranged from horrible to heavenly. Would we have a really rough time of it? Would we be deliriously happy, floating on clouds? I had examples of both in my life, all of the couples falling into different places on the spectrum. How would we do? Would we pass the test? 

I quickly came to the conclusion that, while all the examples around us are great and necessary, our marriage is our own and to compare it to someone else's is to set ourselves up for failure and dangerous. Our relationship is going to look different than everyone else's and that's okay, better than okay, that's good! And it has been good. Living with someone, anyone, even the person you love most in the world, is going to have it's ups and downs. But to be honest, the ups way outnumber and overshadow the downs. 

Our first year was filled with lots of loving and lots of growing and it has been so great. 

Year One.

We celebrated our first year of marriage last night. I can't believe how fast that year went by. It was an eventful year; Italy, Rhode Island, New York, California, Washington, and North Carolina. It has been such a special time of getting to know each other and growing together. For our special evening we took in a show at our local theatre and had dinner on the balcony of a riverfront restaurant. So romantic. So sweaty (gotta love that humidity). And then we came home and ate some homemade Strawberry glazed pie. Perfect evening with the man I love. 

This girl

Said goodbye to that guy this morning for a couple days. That guy, who makes me laugh -- all the time. His cousin graduates Med School this weekend. Congrats, Sam! And this lucky duck got to go back to California and hang out with his family! 

Lazy weekend full of studying and sewing? Check. 

p.s. I'm watching the Fighter right now and there is a reason Christian Bale won an award for this role.

m.i.a.

On Thursday husband got lasik for free, thank you Marine Corps. Which turned that smiling, spectacle-wearing guy into a red-eyed, vampire looking man (which might actually be a turn on for some Twilight lovin' ladies). Poor guy was also sick through it all as well. We spent a lot of time on the couch (snuggle time = best time) and watching Dexter on our new, flat screen television. The new television was an early anniversary gift to ourselves and could not have come at a better time seeing as we spent a lot of time in front of it as Dan recovered. Also, in between our Dexter/Buffy marathon I made a skirt out of an old dress that I loved and ruined. Gotta love elastic.

     

i think about you more than i think i should

It's finals week. I can't believe the semester is already over; it has gone by so fast! It's actually perfect. See, last week Dan had his hell-week with a big case and tons of work, so I took care of most of the housework and cooking so he would be able to just work and relax in a calm, neat space. This week is my week and Monday morning Daniel said "Don't worry about doing anything, I'll take care of the dishes and food -- you just focus on your finals. And when you take a break, don't take a break and do the dishes. Actually take a break." Ha! I loved it. I do tend to "break" by tidying up. I don't know where I picked up that habit, my mom would be dumbfounded if she saw my cleaning anything voluntarily. Anyway, I love that Dan and I get to take care of each other when things are crazy. That's love. 

you can't handle the truth!

Daniel had his first major trial this week. All on his own. He has been working so hard on it (and losing sleep over it). The trial lasted two days, yesterday and today. And... the client was found Not Guilty on all charges!!! Dan's the Defense Counsel, so, that's a good thing. I am so proud of him, words cannot express. I decided to prepare a little Mexican fiesta-feast for tonight, because whether he won or lost, we were going to need some Margaritas! I love celebrating his success and am so glad we aren't drinking sad margaritas. Home made mexican food is the best!

i would like to be the azalea festival princess

Alright, for those of you who anxiously await my every post, I don't think there are a lot of you but that just makes you the elite, or the bored, either way, sorry, I have been super busy with two things: my research paper and Dan's parents! Dan's parents are way more fun than a research paper, though. Also, for all of you who encouraged me through the writing process, thank you so much! I got 20 pages typed out for this baby, I was so proud of myself! And now it feels like a downhill movement from here -- mostly just tweaking things, adding some more info, but the basic skeleton is there and so much stress is out of my life. And Dan's parents came in on Sunday night and are here for the full week which just happens to coincide with the Azalea Festival here in Wilmington. Which means lots of stuff to do, love it. Oh yea, and there is a princess, who dresses up in a big ole southern, gone with the wind, dress. Welcome to the south. 

he can't see without his glasses

Dan is getting lasik eye surgery some time in the next few months. No, we're not loaded, it's free through the Marine Corps. Well, obviously not free, I mean someone has to pay for it, just not us. And we Burkharts, if there is one thing we love it's free stuff. Though we are rather suspicious as to the quality of said free things, it's a tough line to walk. But somehow, we do it. Last night we took a walk down memory lane and Dan showed me some of his old glasses. Let me just tell you, my husband did the nerd look before the nerd look was in. Yep, that's right. He is the hippest of hipsters. I was just as surprised as you. Surprised and very attracted to the man in the square-rim glasses. By the way, boy is blind. But I think I may have the glass replaced without prescription (20/20 baby) so I can wear them on a daily basis. And look cool, but not as cool as husband, the hippest of all hipsters.

counting my blessing

I've received A's on the last three essays I've turned in. This is attributed to many factors (including the fact that I seem to attract English major friends who edit my work before I turn it in) but I think the main reason I've succeeded as well as I have this semester is due to Daniel. Don't get me wrong, I am taking credit for my hard work. I put in so many hours reading all the books that are assigned and drafting and redrafting the papers I am writing, I take copious amounts of notes -- I put in a lot of effort. For the first time in my college career I am able to fully focus on being a student. For the past three plus years that I have been attending school I have been working multiple jobs, volunteering, and just being the type-A, multi-tasker that I am. Since moving to Wilmington I have been frustrated by the fact that I don't have a job. Dan works. I don't. Except for that month I worked at F21. But, whenever I complain about not working and contributing towards our financial needs Dan softly shakes his head, takes my hand and tells me it's alright. He reminds me that I am a student and right now that's our number one priority for me. That by doing my best and working hard I'm securing an amazing future for us. He is always ready and willing to drive over to the coffee shop on the weekends and hunker down for hours on end while I research, read, and study. He is constantly encouraging me and challenging me to do better. He is my partner and he is doing this with me. So babe, this entry is for you -- you inspire me daily. I love you. 

saint pat

It would seem that my spring break really started today. Daniel took some leave in order to hang out with me on my break and we had a blast. We started by going to breakfast at this little diner tucked into a residential area. After breakfast we went for a hike on a trail at Poplar Grove, an old plantation in Wilmington -- super beautiful. Dan made corn-beef and cabbage for dinner and we drank some Guinness in honor of good ole saint patrick. And what saint patty's day could be complete without a trip to the bar? $1 Irish Red Ale? I'll have two.