Oh, hey.

{after a long day of flow charts}

Sorry. You know, law school. I almost forgot about this space. Almost. But now 1L is over (1L IS OVER!), and I feel like I can post semi-regularly again. When I have something semi-interesting to say/share. We'll see how often that happens. 

But first, 1L. 

It's weird because it feels like it went by so fast. I figured it would drag on and be miserable forever (because everyone prepared me for the horrendous year that was ahead), but to be honest it was just too busy to drag on. There was never time to stop. 

I felt like I was drowning the first semester. Not that the content was so hard, but everything happened at once. It was just a rough Fall. And then finals rolled around and I was in a slump and life sucked and I felt like I didn't really have anyone at school to help me through it because it still felt like we were competing with each other and, as silly as this sounds now, I didn't want to appear weak. 

Law school produces the most stressful and frustrating environment and we create it for ourselves. Part of it is the curved grading system (only so many students can receive A's, and, goshdarnit, we all think we're the rightful recipients). Part of it is the type-A personality of every student in the program. 

It's just all encompassing, and it's all you can think about and talk about. And, it sucks. The whole thing. All of it. 

Thank God for Dan. I don't know how I would have came through without him. From the beginning he has been here and available. He seemed to sense when I was about to break and he would encourage me and talk me through it all. I got through this year in one piece and with a sane mind and that man gets a lot of credit for that. I shall bake him a pie in appreciation. 

Then second semester rolled around. Grades from first semester came out and I did fine - not fantastic. For me, that was a blow - a huge blow - to my ego. But a few conversations with Dan and with my teachers and I was determined to keep my head down and power through. 

The second semester is supposedly (statistically, maybe) a game changer. First semester everyone works their butts off. Everyone is scared shitless for first semester grades, to see where they stand, and with good reason. These grades impact where you get summer internships and how things shake loose for 2L On-Campus Interviews. The sun seems to rise and set over these grades. 

And then grades come out. Some do very well. Most do just fine. And many don't. It has to be this way (so I'm told), but it doesn't seem to mean much. In my opinion (not that you asked, but you are here after all), the tests produced by 1Ls are all variations on a theme. We all know the information and similarly regurgitate it on the exam. It's very unlikely that someone just didn't know the necessary information (unless they didn't try). They won't be bad lawyers because they didn't get an A, but they will feel defeated when the A doesn't appear. 

So, second semester the sand starts to settle. Some who got As might relax a little and think its all in the bag. Those who got Bs might decide that the hard work isn't worth the effort and reconcile themselves to the grade they can receive without the struggle. 

The first year is hard and it takes a lot to maintain that level of dedication and energy through both semesters. I was determined to do so and to improve my performance if I could. 

Something happened this semester. I was working harder but I was also working smarter. What exactly that looked like, I can't pinpoint. I tried to explain it to Dan one night after a 14-hour day of studying, I didn't know what had changed from last semester but something had. I felt more confident heading into exams than in the previous semester. Of course, some of that had to do with having gone through the experience once before - most of the jitters were gone. That was part of it.

But, this semester was better. 

1L is over and I cannot believe I'm a third of the way through law school. Things supposedly get easier from here. I'm not sure I believe it, but everybody says so. Good riddance, 1L!